So I’ve decided this week that I really don’t want to be divorced…like seriously, really and truly do not want to be divorced. It’s something I haven’t thought about that much previously, but I was at my amazing friend’s wedding this weekend (where I had an incredible time), but something started really bothering me that night. I started feeling like a failure, like a DIVORCED person. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that some people are not meant to be together and that divorce is the best option for them; I just never imagined that it would be ME. I never imagined that I would choose a partner who would cheat on me, leave me in the dust, that my judgment could be SO wrong…and that is bothering me this week…a lot. I know in theory that HE’S the one who didn’t try, who ended our marriage, who gave up when times were tough, but I guess I feel like a failure for choosing someone who could do that to me. Isn’t it strange how our brains turn on us when we need them the most, and allow us to turn everything around on ourselves? Now to clarify, this in no way means I want my (ex) husband back, it just means that I really, really, really wish I wasn’t in this situation right now.
So on the heels of these feelings of failure and sadness, I’ve had a really hard time deciding what activity to do this week. I wanted to get out and take a class, but I’m not sure if that’s where I’m meant to be this week – around others. I think I might go the introspective route, and work on another project from home…something that I’ve been hearing about a lot lately, and that my favourite getting-over-your-break-up book told me everyone should try if they can’t escape their ruminating thoughts. Now I know many of you reading would encourage me to just get out there and DO IT! That I’ll feel better, and I know you’re all probably right, but for now I’m going to say that I PROMISE to do something really fun, in the vicinity of others next week!
Stay tuned for another post tomorrow (or maybe Thursday) about my loner activity of the week lol 🙂