Ugh, this is the worst!! Why is it that every time I feel like I’m taking steps forward, I’m pulled right back into an abyss of sadness and misery. It’s one of those cruel tricks that our mind plays on us…”oh yeah, you’re okay!”, “you’re so strong, look at you go!”, “you don’t need him, you’re better off on your own!” – and then the next day it’s like your inner voice has gone completely mental – “how am I going to do this?”, “how can he do this to me?”, “I can’t survive without him”…sick, sick, sick.
Now there was a kind of intense event that brought me to my emotional knees yesterday, that I’m not quite ready to talk about here, but I woke up this morning feeling saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Like a deep kind of sadness that you feel at your core, and honestly a kind of sadness that I haven’t felt in awhile. I immediately thought, “okay girl, you get to wake up every day and CHOOSE how you want to feel, so suck it up and get happy!”, but then I took a minute and decided, you know what, I’m going to embrace this sadness and allow myself a day of grieving. I have to remind myself that it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to grieve, it’s okay to not just push through the pain and try to forget it. Sometimes we need to FEEL it, to get PAST it, and that’s what I’m going to take time to do today. Be on my own, light some candles, burn some incense, and take some time to meditate and reflect on what this means, why it’s happening, and how I can move through it and not over it.
So therapeutic to just write what you’re feeling even if it makes you feel super vulnerable. Sometimes we need to be that vulnerable to be our authentic selves, and that’s who I really want to be. I’ve been listening to an amazing book through Audible.com by Brené Brown (my new hero) called The Power of Vulnerability, and it was been trans-formative. An easy listen (although it is 6 hours, so make sure you have it in the car when you’re commuting), that I feel every person in their 30s+ should listen to! If you love Brené, I would love to hear your feedback in the comment section below! I’m about to start The Gifts of Imperfection, and have not been this excited for a book in awhile!
Okay, so scattered and random post today but that should probably tell you how mixed up my energy is right now! Stay tuned for my adventure post before the week’s out!