So, as I logged in to write this I noticed that my last blog post was exactly one month ago today…kind of appropriate I would say that I can celebrate my one-month anniversary of not writing by writing now. I say celebrate because I’ve decided that with every milestone comes setbacks, and that beating myself up or feeling shame because I haven’t written is so counter-intuitive to this process that I just can’t allow myself to do it (to myself!). Now in the spirit of being real, I will say that I have TOTALLY been beating myself up and feeling shame for not writing which is probably why it’s taken me this long (and some gentle prodding from family and friends) to get back to it
I’ve decided that I’ll pick back up with weekly posts tomorrow when I write Week 11 about my amazing trip to Nashville to see my hero Brene Brown at the end of August, and then continue forward with this week’s activity aka Week 12. For tonight, I’m going to get a little feelings heavy and talk about how easily we can veer off the path to healing.
I thought the weekend I went away to Nashville was going to be a huge turning point in this divorce process for me. I was going to see my favourite author launch her incredible new book Rising Strong about getting up after we fall, and I thought nothing could be more relevant to what I’m going through. The weekend also happened to coincide with my 2 year wedding anniversary, and I totally thought I had it beat – how could I be sad when I was celebrating my rise from the ashes?!
Well, flash forward to actually dealing with the emotions that came with the anniversary, and the unbelievable authenticity and power that came from hearing Brene speak and I’ve been in a kind of emotional tailspin for the past 2 weeks. A tailspin that I haven’t been able to understand, put my finger on, pin down, etc. Just feeling sad, overwhelmed, at a standstill and not knowing how to move forward. This was a really hard fall for me, especially since I felt like I was riding really high coming back from Vegas and moving into August. It’s funny how we can be feeling SO good, and expect that an experience is going to move mountains for us, and then have things play out quite differently. All part of the process I’ve realized, but still hard hurdles to overcome over and over again. You just kind of wonder when things will just be easy, all the time. Okay, not ALL the time lol, but I’d happily settle for easy most of the time 🙂
So tonight I was in the shower thinking about how I was going to put off writing this post until tomorrow (again), and I suddenly started singing a song out loud in the shower…it was the strangest thing because I wasn’t even thinking about music, or this song (which coincidentally I haven’t heard in a long time, that I can remember anyways), and yet there it was – coming right out of my mouth (and yeah, for those of you wondering, I sounded pretty good haha). The words are so, so powerful and it just renewed so much faith and hope in me that I’m on the right path, that I dried off and came straight to the computer to write. Here’s the video…enjoy! I’m back baby, let the fun resume 🙂 XO