Gratitude in the face of MAJOR frustration…

Feeling so grateful for so many things tonight, in spite of an exhausting 3 hour conversation with my ex-husband to try and work out the details of finishing this house…I’m wondering if there’s a better word than exhausting to describe my evening actually…draining, depleting, mind-numbingly awful all come to mind. But through it all, I just kept thinking about how FULL my life has become over the past few months.

I’ve felt love and support from my parents, sister, brother-in-law, friends and extended family that I didn’t even realize could be so calming and restorative; I’ve found things I’m passionate about that have filled my life with new joy aka dance and volunteering; I am ROCKING my professional life; AND I just feel on the cusp of so much amazingness that I can barely contain my excitement! All this in the face of what I would have called the most devastating year of my life.

I’m thinking maybe it’s time to take the devastating out, and insert adjectives like inspiring, uplifting, change-filled, and transformative to describe what this year has actually brought to me. Uh huh, definitely time for that change 🙂

I will be grateful

 

Why you gotta be so mean…

So, I decided that writing a positive post about my adventures in dance and how much I’m loving that first, would give me permission to write this more angry post about going through a divorce lol. I honestly sometimes can’t even believe that it’s almost been a year since this whole disaster started, and sometimes it feels like I’m right back at square one getting dirt thrown in my face and insults flung at my character and spirit – it is freaking exhausting!

I thought that when my husband left me it would be a lot more cut and dry because really, we don’t have kids and it should’ve been a pretty simple situation, but I’ll tell you that having this house we’re renovating (and have been renovating for 5 and a half years) has dragged the hell out of this process. Having to be in constant contact with your ex SUCKS. Like, it’s the WORST. Sometimes I let my guard down and think that everything is good and civil and that we can be amicable, and then some little thing will happen and he just unleashes on me. This time it was me asking to be reimbursed for all the money I spend on the house moving into the New Year (not forever, just for 2016)…I’ve just honestly never dealt with a situation where someone feels so entitled to have his cake and eat it too.

Anyways, I have to keep looking forward, keep seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve tried to do everything so above board over the past year, and to be honest and fair and kind in all of our interactions, so it’s just very hurtful to have it all thrown back at you with such disdain and disregard. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at this point, but I honestly am every single time.

I have so much respect for people who go through this stuff and have to stay in touch forever because of children. I never thought I’d say these words, but I’m so grateful that my ex and I don’t have any children, because I cannot imagine having to do this for the rest of my life, truly. Here’s to better days moving forward, and (hopefully) a completion to this house project and chapter of my life by the end of 2015. In the words of T-Swift…

 

Week 14 – Take a Dance Class

Activity: Get dancing!

Where: My new studio, Soul Sessions

Cost: $100 for a quarterly membership 🙂

The Story: Here’s a fun history of dance in healing:

Another early use of dance may have been as a precursor to ecstatic trance states in healing rituals. Dance is used for this purpose by many cultures from the Brazilian rainforest to the Kalahari Desert. Medieval European danses macabres were thought to have protected participants from disease; however; the hysteria and duration of these dances sometimes led to death due to exhaustion.

Sri Lankan dance goes back to the mythological times of aboriginal yingyang twins and “yakkas” (devils). According to a Sinhalese legend, Kandyan dances originated 2500 years ago, from a magic ritual that broke the spell on a bewitched king. Many contemporary dance forms can be traced back to historical, traditional, ceremonial, and ethnic dances.

So you may recall that I joined Soul Sessions about 2 months ago (yup, seriously lacking in my posting these days but it’s because I’m so busy doing things I love haha!) and started by taking a yoga class which was great but a little too hard for my sore arthritic bones, so I vowed to try out their dance classes and see what happened! Well, flash forward 8 weeks and I am LOVING dance, and everything it’s done to change my body, mind and spirit!

I’ve always loved to dance, for as long as I can remember really! I took ballet and jazz as a child, and always scored high on the floor in gymnastics because my routines were so good. I was also a competitive cheerleader, and always used dance as a form of exercise and release in my teenage years too! I hadn’t done anything with it for years through my twenties until I actually started taking Jazzercise classes (stop laughing!) right before I started having pain from what I now know is psoriatic arthritis in my late 20s.

I was devastated to have to stop back then (about 7 years ago) because I’d finally found something I loved doing that was also keeping me active. I honestly never thought I’d be able to dance again because my illness can really keep me down with pain, but at Soul Sessions I’ve found classes that I can do and do at my own pace when I’m having a hard pain day 🙂

My favourites so far? Dance Fusion (a mix of hip hop, burlesque, latin, caribbean and more!) and Ballet Booty which is ballet for adults! I’m also waiting for the opportunity to try their Latin Legs class that just doesn’t work time-wise for me, but I’m going to get there before the end of the year for sure!

The benefits are tenfold for me. I’ve lost 60 lbs so far this year and I’ve found that this form of exercise is helping me continue to lose and helping tone and re-shape my body which ROCKS! Mentally, it’s an incredible release to sweat out my problems and spiritually I’m really feeling connected to my soul’s passion. It’s really reinvigorated me in a way I didn’t think was possible, and I am so so incredibly grateful.

The verdict: Dancing is something I will continue to do for as long as I possibly can. I’m actually in LOVE with how I feel when I dance, and the freedom of mind that just washes over me. Can’t wait to keep trying out new classes!