Well, it’s finally time to bang out part 2 of my loooooooong post about heartbreak, confusion and moving on. It’s been kind of a crazy and unexpected week, and of course it’s been nothing short of emotional having to spend hours and hours and hours with my ex at the house we’re selling, but all in all I feel really good about where I’m at. I’m still incredibly confused about what happened with my disappearing guy, but I’ve realized I really only have two choices right now – keep moving forward, or allow the sadness and disappointment to take over.
The challenging thing about having to move on from a freshly broken heart is muddling your way through the quicksand of what to do next. The incomparable Samantha from Sex and the City famously says (and I quote) “the best way to get over one guy, is to get under another”, but that’s definitely not my game. I just don’t think that rushing into bed with some new dude does any woman any favours when it comes to mending a broken heart. I’m a firm believer that we need to take any experience thrust upon us and learn more about ourselves from it, which brings me to a rookie mistake I made earlier this week.
In a moment of weakness (and late night boredom), I downloaded a new dating app called Bumble that my girlfriend recommended. I didn’t want to go back on Tinder because I think I still have PTSD from meeting Ghost Guy on there, so I thought I’d try something new. Bumble is essentially the exact same thing as Tinder, but once you’re “matched” with a guy, the girl is the one who has to initiate conversation…I think this made me feel like I’d have more control or something, so I decided to give it a shot. I realized two things very quickly:
- I still miss Ghost Guy a lot. The incredibly strained, BORING ass conversations I had with a couple guys on Bumble only served to remind me of how easy and good things were with my short-lived bf, and it made me really sad. You just don’t find connections like we had every day online (or in person), and it frustrates me to think about how annoying it’s going to be to have to start over from scratch again (and again and possibly even again); and
- There are some MAJOR freaks out there. I was having a seemingly normal chat with a guy named John last night, and in that casual conversation he sent me a link to his website. I soon found out that this website is essentially a chronicle about his penis. Size (5.5″ in length and girth for those of you wondering), his masturbation schedule, and some pictures for good measure (honestly, I am still suffering the effects of seeing this shit). Like WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT is going on in the world?! And what was he hoping to accomplish by sending me this nonsense?? Seriously!!
So yeah, I feel like the combination of these experiences has lead me to a very real break up conclusion – there’s no need to rush into something new just to try to get through the pain of something ending. A mistake made by many women the world over of course, but it’s one I’ve decided I’m not going to make if I can help it. My answer instead? I’m re-shifting my focus back to ME, and figuring out what MY next steps are, not how I can find a new man to fill a void that will not go away that easily. I need to keep writing, and dancing, and doing the things that fill my cup with passion and joy and love, and the rest will figure itself out eventually.
Another great quote from Samantha – “this love stuff is a motherfucker”, and you know what? It really is! BUUUUUUT when you find it and it’s good, it’s SO worth it. I’m more than happy to wait for it to turn up again, and in the meantime I’ll take Carrie’s advice to just “laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason”. Word. XO