I cannot believe that its been two weeks since my last post! I honestly feel a little hollow when I don’t write these days, it’s kind of bizarre! I have literally been going non-stop since getting back from Halifax as my ex and I prepare to list our home for sale, and I can’t even express how incredibly exhausted I am. I have been at our house every day working working working and it just seems like the list of what needs to be done never ends. Having said that, I have enjoyed the process of working hands-on to get the renovations completed, and have soooo many things to be incredibly grateful for.
My ex and I have had a pretty rocky relationship since our marriage ended last January, and as you’ll know from reading my blog, there have been some major fights, petty disagreements, and lots of seriously distasteful behaviour over the past 15 months. Because of all this, I thought FOR SURE that working together to finish the house would be an awful nightmare of a time, but I’ve actually been pleasantly surprised as the house nears completion. We have been able to work together as a team, and I feel such a sense of relief because of this…relief because I feel like I didn’t marry a monster who hid himself in lamb’s clothing; relief because I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to forgive, but now I know that I have; and relief because I am so happy to be closing out one chapter of my life on a positive note before moving forward into my next big, bold, amazing chapter.
That doesn’t make it easy of course, to let go, to accept the finality of the house being gone and my ex moving to another country to be with his new partner. I know that my life will be SO much bigger because of what happened with him, because I’ve been given this incredible blessing of a fresh start to make sure MY dreams are realized, but letting go of the past is HARD. Like, so so so hard. And I feel like I need to keep qualifying to people that it’s not about wanting my ex-husband BACK, it’s not about wanting that life BACK, it’s simply that it is scary as fuck to start over and to lose people from your life that played such a HUGE role in it.
My favourite quote in the world is one by Joseph Campbell: “We must let go of the life we have planned so as to accept the one that is waiting for us”. I have this quote (in the photo below) posted on my bathroom mirror and I read it numerous times a day. It’s such a strong reminder that if we’re not willing to let go of what we THINK we’re supposed to have in this life, we’ll never find what is right there waiting for us. I learned so much as I grew in my relationship with my ex-husband, and I can see now that that relationship was simply a stepping stone towards what is meant for me.
To get through all the hard stuff, you have to be unshakeable in the belief that you’re meant for bigger things…HUGE things, and I know that I am. I’m super excited today because I took one more step towards my writing dream and signed up for a creative writing course AND a writing workshop and I’ll pay for both with part of the proceeds of my house sale…taking from the past to move into the future I’m destined for 🙂 seems almost poetic, right?! More soon! XO