When your head says yes, but your body says no…

It’s been a rough night…or maybe day…but all I know is that I’m freaking exhausted as I write this, but wanted to get it out tonight while I was feeling all feeling-y. Aren’t you all so lucky?!

Tonight was my last dance class with The Academy of All Things Awesome for awhile…they’re taking a break for the summer, which means I’ll be taking a break from my new favourite past time…boo. I was SO pumped for this class…What’s Your Fantasy by Ludacris, a classic with an awesome beat and our choreographer Josh is a rock star. So like, what could go wrong, right?! Uggggghhhhhh, stupid arthritis is what could go wrong.

I knew from the first few counts that I was going to be in trouble. I’d spent the day putting together Ikea furniture at my new place (seriously, sooooooo time-consuming and aggravating lol) so I was already super sore, and as soon as I saw there was floor work in the routine, I knew it was all over. I know there are SO many worse things in the world, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a really frustrating thing when your mind and heart KNOW you can do something, but your body doesn’t let you. It can feel like being trapped in a body that’s not working the way it should, or you know it could. Anyways, I kept pushing myself through the pain until my knee actually gave out on me and I fell…actually like slow motion crashed down in the middle of the routine in front of everyone…lols. Not only was I in physical pain, but my ego was seriously bruised and I was sooooooo SAD 😦

It was the first time in awhile that I felt like I couldn’t do something. Like my disease was holding me back, and it sucked. I will pat myself on the back because I got up off the floor and did the routine again (YAY ME!), but I left feeling super bummed. I let myself have a pity party (and maaaaaaaybe a few tears) for like an hour, and then realized that I have too much to be grateful for to keep feeling sorry for myself. I can move, I can walk, I can get out of bed every morning, and I’ve found a way to do something I love again even if it means that I fall every once in awhile. Reminding myself of that was all it took to get out of my funky sad place, and elevate myself back into a positive mindset – the power of the mind is truly wicked.

So I decided to end the night by writing, so that I could sear into my brain that I need to choose happiness every day. Was tonight hard? Sure was! But there was awesomeness too! I had two friends come out to class tonight (one even brought her two sons!) because they’ve been seeing my dance videos on social media and were inspired to get out and move; I got up after falling and proved to myself that I can do anything if I try hard enough AND I built two pieces of Ikea furniture and installed an air conditioner…SO awesome, right?!

Always remember – everything is perfect, and just as it should be. Now, I’m going to bed grateful and with a full heart ❤ XO

ikea furniture builtfall down

you gotta look forattitude of gratitudelaugh at the sky

sleep grateful heart

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