I’ve got this eye disease called keratoconus. I don’t talk about it much because I’m usually writing more about my psoriatic arthritis, but I’m having eye surgery this morning and having some thoughts about it, so writing therapy it is!
Keratoconus is a degenerative condition, where your cornea cones and breaks down until essentially you require corneal transplants or blindness ensues – pretty scary, right?! Fortunately there is a relatively new surgery available called cross-linking that halts the progression of the disease, and I’ve been fortunate enough to qualify as part of a study to have it done free of any costs…today!
Needless to say, I’ve been freaking out all weekend in preparation for the procedure because the unknown can be really scary! What side effects could there be, how painful will it be (very, apparently), and will my eyes look the same afterwards are just a few of the questions that were plaguing me on Friday when I basically had a panic driven breakdown. I wanted to cancel the surgery, and stick my head in the sand, ignoring the very real long-term consequences of what not having this procedure could mean.
In the height of my panic though, I decided to try something new. Well, not new new as you’ll know from reading my blog, but instead of choosing flight from fear, I decided to fight it with gratitude. It’s so easy to forget how lucky I am to live in a country where healthcare is free. Where I can qualify for an $8,000 procedure with no out of pocket expense, and I needed to sit with those thoughts instead of the panic I was feeling. I needed to get excited about my fear.
Trusting the path that his been laid out for us isn’t always easy, but it is always rewarding because everything will be perfect and turn out just as its meant to be. Seriously, it always will.
So I’ll be on radio silence for a few days as I recover, but will be back to regale you with more stories in no time 🙂 XO