oh, the beauty of healing…

First things first, I CAN SEE!! Clearly my eye surgery was successful, and in spite of some seriously traumatic procedures (while awake, I shudder to remember), my pain has mostly gone and I’m well on my way to giving keratoconus the big eff you. WOOHOO!!

On the topic of my surgery though, it was kind of an eye opening (pun not intended, I swear!) week. I’ll start by saying that I am SO SO SO LUCKY. I honestly have the loveliest parents in the world who let me stay with them for 5 days, and took better care of me than I could have ever imagined. I was out of my mind in pain, being a crazy person demanding instant cold compresses and requiring my 5 sets of eye drops be put in in complete darkness (MAJOR light sensitivity) lol, but they stuck by me and did an amazing job as caretakers. I had tons and tons of messages from friends wishing me well on my surgery, and sending me messages afterwards to see how I’d made out (and my lovely mother dutifully replied to each one), and even had some friends come and keep me company bedside – like I said, so incredibly lucky.

Now I’m sure you can feel me building to something here, so I’ll just get on with it. Despite all the incredible loveliness I experienced while recovering from my procedure, I really really missed my ex-husband…I know, right?!?!?! I feel like I haven’t gone out of my way to speak ill of him on my blog here, mostly just written posts in frustration and anger, but I also haven’t spent a lot of time talking about his good qualities either. My ex was a really, really great caregiver. When I first got diagnosed with my psoriatic arthritis, he stepped right up to the plate and cooked and cleaned and helped me when I couldn’t move…it was probably what I loved the most about him – how caring he was.  So I think going through the surgery and recovery last week, and not having a partner to care for me, kind of had me all nostalgic and a bit sad.  Like I said above, my parents did an amazing job, but there’s just something different about the care from a partner  – it radiates a special kind of love. It was just another reminder that no matter how far along in our healing process we are when coming out of a break up or divorce, it can only take one event or even one second to be knocked back a step or two.

Now most of you know me well enough by now to know that when I’m knocked down, I shed a few tears and pick myself up and carry forward, and this time was no different. I had a tough, emotional week, but I think what it made me realize (as these times often do), is that being alone and working on myself right now just means that when I do eventually meet my next partner, I’ll be in the very best place possible to have a loving, caring and trust-filled relationship, and honestly, how freaking exciting is that?! Okay, lots more excitement to catch you up on later this week, but for now I will leave you feeling  very grateful for the eyes that helped me write this post, and the amazing people I have in my life. XO

miss-someoneself-loveluminous

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