Holding out for magic…

I just finished a 6 hour dinner and catch up session with my fabulous friend who is visiting from England, and I feel like the time with her has truly catapulted my plans for 2017 into a whole new galaxy. Do you have one of those friends who is so like-minded, and so incredibly inspiring that sharing a room with them, even for just a few hours a year, makes you want to be a better person? That’s what spending time with Samantha has done for me over the past few years, and this evening together was no exception.

Sam was one of the first people I told about the shattering of my relationship with my ex-husband. Not only did she know him well, but she had been through a very similar situation just a few years before, and I needed to know how she’d gotten through the pain. Her live in boyfriend had upped and ended their relationship over the holidays, leaving her completely blindsided, much as I was. I remember laying in bed and Facetiming with her as I sobbed through the story of what had happened, and the ache in her eyes was apparent even as we spoke across time zones and an ocean. She knew exactly what I was going through in that moment, knew the heartache and pain that would inevitably follow as I tried to learn my new normal without the man I thought I’d spend my life with. Her advice was automatic and clear. Don’t give that fucker another second of your time, and keep yourself VERY busy. Find something you love and do it all the time so that you don’t fall into bad vices and habits. At the time I didn’t realize that in just a few short months, that advice would launch this blog and eventually change my life forever.

The most important thing I think I’ve learned from Sam over the past few years as I’ve watched her grow and thrive as an incredibly independent and successful business woman is that WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING. You are smart enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, happy enough, everything enough to live a full life without a partner to complete you. She moved to England to be with the man who eventually betrayed her, but him leaving didn’t stop her from staying overseas and building an incredible life full of friendships, travelling, socializing and professional success. She did this all on her own, in (literally) a foreign country and continues to set and achieve HUGE goals for herself (like climbing Mount Everest in 2017 for instance!). I leave every meet-up with her feeling like I can conquer the world, like there is real magic out there waiting for me.

This all reminded me of an article I read this week written by Danielle LaPorte about holding out for the magic in life. About being aware that when you ask the Universe (or your God) for that special love, or job, or adventure, that we can often be seduced into accepting what comes along first…the ‘okay right now’ stuff. It takes a level of discipline and self-awareness to hold out for the AMAZING stuff, she says. Especially when you’re hungry for it, or in pain, or when you’ve just waited for so, so long for what you want. That’s when it’s hardest to be patient, but also when it’s most important to hold out for the magic that is just around the corner. Doing anything less is doing yourself a huge disservice, and will inevitably have you back at square one before you know it.

Having friends like Samantha (and so many other fabulous women) in my life is my constant reminder that holding out for the magic is not only possible, but also truly my only option. If I know one thing to be true, it’s that settling has been a story I’ve lived one too many times, and it’s done nothing but run me around in circles with the same results over and over again. Happiness comes with waiting (verrrrrrrry patiently) for what’s right and true and full of light and promise, and not from taking what comes easy or first. You owe it to yourself to ask for, wait for, and live the magic that is available to all of us; sometimes you just have to look a little harder and wait a little longer than you might want. That magic is totally worth it though, I just know it. XO

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Rally strong…

Today I want to talk about the importance of your TRIBE. That group of people in your life that keep you going through the down times, who lift you up and make you remember how strong you are, and the people you call your family. They can be your real family – parents, siblings, cousins – or they can be your chosen family, friends who have lasted the test of time, and who have seen you through your best (and worst) days.

During challenging times in our life, it can be so easy to internalize and cocoon ourselves into solitude. We can stop returning messages, stop reaching out to people, cancel social engagements (or not make them at all), and generally disappear from the world outside ourselves. I remember there being times after my husband left that I wanted to literally melt into my couch and never leave the safety of my apartment. There were other times (for me, to be honest, this was most times) when I needed to be surrounded by people who loved me, supported me, listened to me and who reassured me that I was going to be OKAY. That no matter how dark the world seemed in those low, low moments, I would get through it, and that life would (eventually) be better on the other side.

Now, I’ve changed a lot over the past two years, and have become a huge proponent of the importance of alone time. I think we can learn a lot from introspective thinking and taking time to work through life’s challenges on our own, BUT that doesn’t mean that turning into ourselves to escape dealing with our issues is the answer. Last night, a friend reached out to share some hard news that will change her life forever. Within 5 minutes a group of girls who all have very busy lives (but have been friends for decades) rallied together to set a date to get together this weekend. Because we are a TRIBE. Because we love each other. And because one of us needs support. These are the moments when I know that having these kind of people in our lives – this soul family – is more important than we realize at times. Find your tribe, let them fan the flames of your soul, and love them hard. XO

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